FR: Night out - failed almost all my goals - a lesson in flexibility

[WhiteTiger]

So this is the night of Feb 23rd, a beautiful tuesday here in Vancouver, BC


Before heading out to BOSS, the salsa scene of tuesday, I decided to set myself a list of goals for the night just to keep myself centered. My goals for the night were:

- Dance with every girl possible and make her smile
- Open at least 5 sets
- At least 2 have to be opened with cyclone
- At least 2 number closes
- At least one number close has to be rooted (has to be for the purpose of getting together)

And I failed to fulfill each of those EXCEPT for the last one, but with an added bonus.

I made my way down to BOSS, where I haven't been in 2 months, to have the bouncer tell me "oh yeah, come in, you're a regular". Do they really have so few people there that those that come every 2 months are "regulars"? well whatever.
As I go in the lesson is already in progress, I had half-planned to miss the lesson out b/c the guy always teaches ridiculous moves that aren't easily led on the dancefloor at all. However, being in the lesson time puts me in a bad position. If I take part in it, it's gonna be just annoying, BUT IF I WON'T I'll put the night on a bad start of sitting out. If you sit out at the beginning of the night, you will sit out most of the night.
I ask one of the girls that came in after me to dance, she has to go talk to friends, no big deal, will catch her later.
Go for the washroom and on my way back I see a girl sitting out on the couch while the lesson is still going. I come over to her and ask "so how come you're sitting out in the corner"
Her: "I don't know"
Me: "come on, let's join the class"
Her: "Okay"
Sometimes all you have to do is ask. Don't make up excuses FOR HER, if she has a reason to sit out, she'll tell you. The reason I'm drilling that is because there were like 5-6 guys standing out not taking part in the lesson so it may be natural to assume that she DOES have a reason not to be up with any one of them.
We join the lesson, I don't get any of it b/c it's pretty close to done but we still have fun, the music starts and I ask "You wanna dance for real now?"
Her: "Yeah, sure"
and it turns out she is amazing, and so much fun. She smiles and laughs a lot, and tells me I'm really good. First off, my state goes higher, second, her state goes higher, and third every girl in the room "senses" me dancing with a girl and having a good time. The song ends, and usually I'd look for someone cute to dance with OR sit out, but tonight it's not an option b/c I HAVE TO DANCE WITH EVERY GIRL IN THE ROOM. So I go and invite some lady that is obviously in her 40s, she is resistant at first, but only b/c she can't dance. I shake that away quickly from her and say "come on, it's fun". She agrees and I do my simplest stuff, side to side rocks, a spin here and there, spin myself to make it FEEL like we're doing some awesome move together while it's just me doing all the work. She's having fun and you know what, so am I.
The list goes on and on with many girls I just hop from one to another, but one stands out b/c as were dancing I thought to myself "let's try something here". I had talked to someone local here before and he said one needs to make their intent known when it comes to PU. In other words, you need to make the girl understand you want a romantic outcome out of the interaction. However, I thought a compliment about her being cute, her dancing, or her smile or anything like that may have happened before, so I just told her "I really like your dress" (it was one of those that has layers that lift off when she takes a spin). She replied with a smile and a "thank you" and we kept just having fun. I broke off with her to go dancing with other girls, but little did I know she'll be a more interesting point of focus tonight, let's call her HBBlue b/c her dress was blue.
After some time of dancing with other girls, she's available for a bachata (bachata is just a slower, easier and sensual dance than salsa, very fun). We talk about the different songs and she mentions there is one she likes in particular, I ask her for the name, she doesn't remember but knows it's by Xtreme. Immediately I call out "Te extrano!"
Her: *Excited* "YES!"
Me: "I LOVE that song so much"
Her: "Me too!"
Me: "Okay, here's what we're gonna do, since you're a woman the DJ will love you more so after this you go up and request the song from him"
Her: "Okay! but then you have to find me for it"
CLEAR IOI! NOW IT'S O-N!

Perhaps in retrospect that is when I should have stayed and started building comfort, but I disengaged to dance with more girls I haven't danced with b/c I HAD DO DANCE WITH EVERY GIRL THERE.
While I'm dancing and having fun with all these OTHER girls, many of them I ended up dancing with beside her on the floor, so it was very clearly in sight for her that I'm having fun with other women, powerful envy plot, BUT I had to make sure not to overuse it so it won't seem planned like I'm trying to impress her OR like she is just another notch on my danceshoes
After a certain song I break off with my current partner and notice so did HBBlue, SO I decide to set up an opportunity for her to re-open me to test her level of interest. I stand out, looking at the screen and soon enough she comes over to strike a conversation. Don't remember what it was about but I remembered to pay enough kino, and after a while bounced her with me to get water.
She told me she requested the song already and hasn't heard it since (another IOI), and started also asking rapport seeking questions (yet another IOI), but interesting ones like about traveling and other things. We also talk about the different events around vancouver, UBC and SFU that are salsa related and I get her # "to let her know about SFU stuff that will come up".
We danced together in an area off the floor for the sake of having more room around us (but as I write this it strikes me as a mini-isolation), talked about random things while dancing and then I decide it's time to throw the goals away in light of the new opportunity. I isolate to a couch nearby, we sit pretty close and talk about more serious stuff. She's a psych major (which I guessed with only two attempts after making her guess my major) so we can talk about human nature and stuff. I then steer the conversation towards relationships and just talk to her about how I feel about those, that people should be okay with actively looking for mates, that setting yourself in a cocoon over a hurt relationship is stupid, that someone you go into a relationship and possibly into marriage with needs to be someone you can relate to as a BEST FRIEND as well as a sexual partner. Tell her also a bit about my Human Sex class I took in uni (best class EVER! interesting stuff AND a cool story at any occasion).
At some point she's talking about her being able to support herself through university without loans or parents' help just with her work, so I go into DD roleplay mode:
Me: "Oh, so if were a couple you could support us while I'd be the... house husband"
Her: *laughing* "no no no"
Me: "yeah, that would be cool"
Her: "I don't think I'll be doing that"
Me: "Well then I'm afraid I have to file for a divorce, and I'm keeping all the CDs"
She's laughing and hits me on the leg playfully, now I know I won't need to pull any more routines or material after this. It's a matter of "don't screw it up" from this point on.
We talk a lot and then some Reggaeton music I actually love (I usually hate Reggaeton) comes up so i say "Come on, we have to move around a bit".
Take her not too far from the couches we were sitting on and just dance around a combo of salsa and club dance/grind, it's clear she's good at that point BUT her friends are there. I've danced with her friends so we're on relatively good terms, they don't interfere at all, but then again they are also busy with some guys of their own
The night ends with two bachatas we end up dancing SUPER CLOSE, bodies close AND cheek to cheek to the point where it's actually getting a bit warm for me.

As the songs end I tell her to come over with me to coatcheck before the lineup starts. Reason: I need to isolate her from her friends for a brief time to pull a k-close.
We show up to coatcheck and she makes a comment on how thirsty she is, I have a water bottle I don't plan on finishing so I give it to her to take a sip, she has no issue with sharing bottles, good sign. UNFORTUNATELY her friends line up several people behind us, they aren't interrupting, but they we are within their sight so trying something may backfire on their ride home ("You kissed that guy? WTF? bla bla bla girly stupid bla") and also her ASD can shoot up through the roof. So I say, "come on, let's wait for them outside, it's warm here"
We go out, she puts on her coat and so do I, and I realize I have minutes before her friends catch up. I say, "okay, well this was fun, I have to go now though", place my hand on her midriff and go in. First she tries to just hug, but I can tell she just isn't clear on what is going on, so I pause, look at her, and we kiss. A short peck, to not send her ASD up through the roof with her friends potentially walking out any second.
I let her keep the water bottle b/c she is still thirsty and as a souvenir of me. Her friends come out, "There you are! we're looking for you"
We hangout outside for a few seconds, they work out transportations, I tell them I'm transiting home and we go on our marry ways... in the same direction. HBBlue and I talk some more until we reach an intersection where we need to break off, I turn to go my way but she catches me and says "wait, gimme a hug"
We hug, and I let her go with her friends.

So, to reiterate:

- Dance with every girl possible and make her smile - only danced with 70% of the club or so
- Open at least 5 sets - I don't know if dancing with counts as opening, but sure
- At least 2 have to be opened with cyclone - failed, only one
- At least 2 number closes - failed, only one
- At least one number close has to be rooted (has to be for the purpose of getting together) - done

It is also noteworthy I only got what I got b/c I was committed to my goals, even though I failed them. They kept my from sitting out, only going for hot girls, and helped me being seen as "the fun guy"

Gonna set up a day2 with HBBlue BUT I need to be careful b/c she works like 6 days a week and once the FIRST "no, I can't" pops up, the second, third and n-th ones are much easier to dish out.

Any feedback or comments are encouraged.

[WhiteTiger]

Follow up:


Called HBBlue on Wed, Feb 24th, we talked a bit (about half an hour) about random things. Told her I'm going for salsa at Alpen Club, she said she's never been there, I told her she should come along since it's her day off work, but she said she'd really love to come but she is feeling she is coming down with a cold so she's gonna lay low.
She later posted on my facebook a link to the song we were talking about she told me she saw a great dance to.

Called her again today (Feb 25th) to ask how she's doing, she said she feels like crap and is planning to basically sleep all day, but we stayed on the phone for 12 or so minutes talking about movies. I ended the call telling her I'm going out with some friends later, but told her we should hangout sometime later.
She said the rest of the week is gonna be hectic with her moving on saturday and stuff, but sometime next week would work.

My plan is to freeze off for friday and saturday, and call her up on sunday to set something up.


Any ideas/advice?

[NewJersey]

Reply here.

[Bjorn]

Hey man,

I think you gone in the wrong direction, but it is ok, you just need to figure out your own way to project your personality.
For the goals, if you really want to dance with everyone, get in and start from the ugliest chic, than go up, it will make you
almost for sure night club domination. Yesterday I used female pivot for a first time, it was nuts. I even did not have to do anything
to open set, they were opening me.
Cyclone is crap, you can use it for entertainment, but it is not that powerful tool. I think Electro teaches all that staff just to get
you some basic confidence. I have like 5-6 magics, and other tricks but at some point it will get overused, otherwise it just loses power.
Instead of 2 #, put 5 as a goal, it may be heavy, but it will make you to push up.
It is good in salsa places to bounce chick around, like to take her to the street to breath some air. Or if you have enough power to a close bar or something like this, just to change location. I tried it already, even though I lost once the second chick I am shpilling right now. So it works.
Well good luck man, it is all about extending you comfort zone, the wider it is the more women you will be able to absorb